Am I comfussed a fool or plainly a good man?

My wife and I have had our share of good time and bad times the last 6yr, from financial hardtimes, family issues, career losses, distrust along with 2 beautiful children 3yrs and 11months, 2 new cars, and new home . Though my actions have been most significant in our relationship in a bad way that is. Im pive aggressive, abusive, say mean things when in the heat of the moment, nit picky, controlling, jealous. Yea a complete ***. Mind you she has her fair share of turd stacked up chin high aswell. All this bad history led my wife away as she puts it, She was over, threw with it some time ago which lead her to another man, a bipolar diagnosis, meds a 9 day getta away to who knows where, and back home. While I've been at home and work in her absence with help of my sister with the kids discoverign more about me, and how my role as a husband is important to me, how my actions truely lead the way to good or bad as "The man of the House" clearly i am no man. My wifes absence she said was she needed space, so she got it. On her arrival home, I clearly forgave her actions but she promices nothing, no gaurantee shes head strong now I know it but in a sence weak she hasnt been there for our children for some time now remember my sister. So she's home, and we had intemacy that night, 3 times, then twice next morning, twice and again that night but it didnt feel the same that night, mostly to me cause she was trying to hard to get hers, I think. But she stopped and said it doesnt feel the same, there was no feeling there anymore, it didnt feel like love, I told her that may happen when things like that happen. Her being with another man that is. So we talked and feel asleep. But Monday night after she got in from her pool night 9:45pm, she came in kissed me, left her curtain open as I watched her shower, and I maged on her and had on and off intemacy she said that felt good, I told her I wanted her to be relaxed and it went of for 2 hours. We didnt speak of yesterdays or days before issues. We feel asleep. My wife may leave me whenever she chooses, but im down to the last straw. My wifes says she loves me but is not in love with me, My wife says she needs me, but is head stong to say I will leave and she says she doesnt know what to do anymore she blogs she gonna get a new boyfriend face book adn myspace and taht her actions are all based on my behavior as though she were a perfect saint, shes no saint. The guy she met is in a devorce and he know she is married, so they are both wrong. I came across a legal page that says while in a devorce its not wise to get in a relationship because legally your still married and the if complaining spouce found out they can file adultary, and this "Adultery" is cleary my last straw, which gives the complaing spouce more ground in Texas, 70/30 I keep the house and kids, she takes her clothes, but I got to give my wife a chance, I do love her so.. But her returning home and the intemacy we had means what? She spends nearly no time with our childen? She is a wonderful/damaged woman, a very hard childhood, a misguided teenage, and a young mother of two. She has all the resources at her disposal, and medical treatment lined up, clearly her choise. But I will love her and be here for her as I have always been and turn from my ways (seeing a pychologist this saturday for me) for our childrens sake my sake a if noticed my wifes sake...Until she pulls that last straw out of my hand "Leaves us our children again to be with someonelse...Then will let her go.."